Wings
by Sara Hyde
I’ve been thinking about home a lot, and maybe that’s just because everywhere I go, all the people I meet, I always think about Johnny, my little brother, my mom. I wonder what they're up to these days. I can’t believe it’s been six months since I left. It seems like the older I get, the faster time goes by. All the years seem to blend into one.
*That January*
Johnny and I were taking a canyon drive in his baby blue 1965 Ford pickup. Growing up, neither of us had many friends; we had each other, and that was enough. As we got older, I started to notice all the small things about him, things that took my breath away. His smile, how his blue eyes sparkled in the sun. As time went on, I fell for him. I never told him, and I never would. It was a calm day, the still silence made me feel at peace. I was starting to become more aware of everything around me because soon, it would no longer be there.
“Are you nervous?” Johnny asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I pondered the question for a moment.
“I am, but exited at the same time. I’m ready.”
I felt selfish, wanting to leave. But deep down, traveling the world, learning everything there is to know about myself, and everything around me, is something I’ve always wanted to do. Some of my family members understood where my heart was, and some didn’t. I’m not doing this for them; I’m doing this for myself, and that’s enough. I’m 23 and I’m not getting any younger. The only thing that has changed in my life since I graduated, is losing my father. I left for work one morning. I wasn’t sure what my dad had planned for his day, but I figured I would see him when I got home. We had plans to go hiking that weekend, just him and I, like we always had. But this time, when I came home, he wasn’t there. I could feel the air around me, like something was off. My mom called me and told me she was at the hospital, and that my dad had been in a horrible car accident. We all prayed, hoping he would make it through, but he died a couple days later. It was hard, seeing him so uncomfortable, but he made sure to smile at everyone that walked through that door. I remember the night he passed. I told it was okay to let go, that he didn’t need to hold on anymore, that I understood how much pain and suffering he was in. I’m thankful I got those last couple days with him. I’m thankful I got to express just how much I loved him and how much of a hero he was to me. I thought to myself and smiled, knowing in my heart that my dad would understand why I wanted traveling.
“I’m going to miss you Annabel.. I don’t know anybody quite like you. You’re inspiring.” Those words took me by surprise. I couldn’t help but tear up. Johnny was such a great friend, saying goodbye was going to suck.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me, Johnny. I’m going to miss you too. You’re my best friend.” I smiled at him.
We drove around until the sun went down and the moon took her place. We decided to head back to my house. I could tell Johnny was getting ready to say goodbye, but I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, before I left.
“Do you wanna come in? We could watch a movie, eat some food, bullshit?” He smiled and turned his car off.
We made popcorn and talked about random things; my dad, our favorite bands, how inspiring Johnny seems to think I am (which made me blush and smile). We talked about our futures and how we pictured our lives to turn out. Johnny pictured his life on a farm, surrounded by land, horses, and trees for miles. And of course, a tire swing. It fit him perfectly. He asked me what I pictured in my future. I’d never really thought much about it, but when I did think about it, I saw myself traveling the world, writing about my experiences and hopefully publishing my pieces.
“You’re gonna be one of those crazy cat ladies that never gets married, huh?” He teased.
“You might be on to something there.” I teased back.
Talking to Johnny was easy, something I was going to miss. I thought about telling him how I really felt, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good at this point. It would only make it harder to say goodbye.
We talked until 4am, when we realized how late, or should I say, how early it had gotten. He put on his jacket and sighed.
“Soon.. we aren’t going to be able to do this anymore.” He looked sad. It made my gut twist and turn. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself, but I couldn’t think of the right words. He could tell I was struggling.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I know how hard this is for you and I know I’m not making it any easier. I’m sorry. I want you to know that I’m happy for you, Bell.” He smiled at me and I smiled back, holding tears back. He gave me a hug and I told him to
“Drive careful.”
I went and laid down, wondering how everything would turn out. Traveling is what I’ve always wanted, I just thought it would feel different. I thought I would be excited, anxious.. I was anxious, but not in a good way. I wondered if this was how birds felt when they fly south for the winter. Experiencing every aspect of the world, exploring to the fullest, sounds like home to me. I just thought it would feel different.
I woke up, realizing that today was the day; the day my life would change. I wasn’t sure how I felt. It didn’t feel real to me. I could smell something cooking downstairs. I got up, got ready and went downstairs. Mom had crepes waiting on the stove. Donovan and Johnny were playing Uno at the kitchen table. Donovan was so excited for me. He seemed more excited than I was, but that’s just who he is. He’s a bright soul. He ignites something inside of people. He can change people’s views on the world. Sometimes I wish I was more like him. He’s so open, so full of trust. He sees the good in everything. We all ate breakfast together, which was really nice. After breakfast, Johnny helped me load everything into my car.
I kept the goodbyes simple. Mom kissed me on the forehead and Donovan gave me his lucky penny. Johnny gave me a big hug, it felt like he didn’t want to let go. He walked me over to my car and opened the door for me. I climbed in and he shut the door behind me. I rolled my window down.
“I’ll see you around, Bell.” He smiled at me.
“I’ll see you around, best friend.” I smiled back.
*Present*
Leaving, to soul search, has taught me so much already. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world around me. My first stop was California. I craved to feel the sun on my skin. My high school friend, Jasmine had moved to Laguna Beach a couple years back so I asked if I could stay with her, of course she said yes. I decided early on that I wanted to make a photo album for every place I visited, I wanted to may remarkable memories I would always remember. Jasmine was excited to explore with me. I came to love palm trees and sand in between my toes. It was easy filling the album, we had such a great time together. It was a perfect start to my travel experience. I was there for 3 months which seems like a long time, but it wasn’t. Time flew by like it always does and before I knew it, it was time to start traveling again.
Second on my list was Oregon. My old friend, Sadie had an older brother that lived in Medford. I asked her if he would show me around, and she said yes. When I got there, I was surprised to see her there, too! I hadn’t seen her in at a least a year, so it was nice to catch up. We went all over, city to city. She introduced me to Geocaching. It was a blast, leaving little pieces of myself everywhere we went. I loved how green it was there. It felt familiar even though I had never been there before. I got to meet Sadie’s family and attended her older brother’s wedding, which was absolute gorgeous! I had to buy two separate albums for Oregon, there was just so much excitement! I stayed there for 2 months, which was perfect with Sadie’s schedule. It was nice, seeing how much she had grown as a person in the year I didn’t see her. We agreed to stay in contact and to one day, possibly become travel buddies, I really liked that idea.
Third up on my list was Yellowstone National Park. I decided to take the route that took me through Nevada and Idaho, staying a week at both places. I didn’t like Nevada much, there was hardly any green anywhere with no trees, which bothered me. Idaho was pretty with the Falls, but other than that, it seemed like a pretty quiet state. I visited a couple museums which was fun.
I was anxious to get to Yellowstone. My friend had always talked about how it was her little piece of heaven on earth and I wasn’t excited to understand why. I decided to stay in West Yellowstone for two weeks, I wanted to explore the little town, and to meet locals to learn what all there was to do in the general area. I went to Hebgen Lake, which was really neat to learn about. I went to Virginia City which reminded me of home because of how tiny it was. The town was so old fashioned which made me think of my dad. He would’ve fit in so perfectly here. I figured he was with me, in spirit, of course.
I booked a budget cabin in Yellowstone right off the beaten path of the Old Faithful Inn. It’s small, but cozy. I have a bed and that’s about it. Showers and bathrooms are located in the bigger Lodges, which doesn’t bother me. I’ve been a little nervous, not having anybody with me to explore, but I’ve figured this is the perfect time to meet new people.
I like spending my time at the Inn, something about it feels like home to me. I’ll either take a book with me, or my journal. Sometimes I just sit back and people watch. All the different races coming together to experiences the same thing, is so fascinating to me.
One day I was sitting at the Inn, people watching and writing in my journal. I saw a worker that I had seen a couple times before, but this time he wasn’t wearing his uniform. I wondered what he was up to. I kept writing in my journal and looked up long enough to see him standing at my table, asking if he could join me. He had two coffee cups in his hand. Of course I wasn’t going to turn him down. He offered me one of the cups.
“I’ve seen you sitting here a couple times, by yourself, so I thought I would come over and introduce myself.” He smiled.
“My names Benji, what’s yours?”
“I’m Annabell, it’s nice to meet you.” I said as he shook my hand.
“So Annabell, what brings to you to the beautiful world of Yellowstone? Are you here with your family?”
I took a deep breath and wondered for a second, what to tell him.
“No, I’m here by myself. And a lot, I guess. I wanted a change, so traveling was my answer. My old friend Ashby told me about this place. It was her little piece of heaven on earth, so I thought I would check it out for myself.”
“That’s a good reason to travel. I would have to agree with your old friend Ashby. This is my sanctuary. I love it here. Every year when everyone has to pack up and leave for the winter season, I get homesick. It sounds weird, but this place is home, more than my actual home. How do you like it so far? How long have you been here?”
“I love it here, I now understand why she loves it so much! It’s like a whole different world. I spent two weeks in West Yellowstone and I’ve been in the park for four days.”
“Good! I’m glad you’re enjoying here. Do you have a cell phone? I could give you my number and I could be your tour guide while you’re here.” He smiled before taking a drink of his Chai.
“Yeah! That would be wonderful!” I smiled and handed him my phone.
“Here you go. Just text me whenever you’re not busy doing your thing and we’ll go explore. I’ll show you the world of Yellowstone! Tonight, some of my friends and I are going on a hike to see the full moon, if you’d like to go?”
“I would love to, that sounds like a lot of fun!” I said as I sipped my Chai.
“Okay, just text me so I have your number and then I’ll text you when we’re all meeting up. I gotta go, I have a shift that starts in a half hour. It was nice meeting you, Annabell! I’m glad you like Chai.” He smiled and gave me a look before leaving the table.
I’ve learned throughout my travels, that nature does something to the soul, something I can’t put into words. It puts me into a peaceful state where I never worry, or stress. It’s a great feeling. Being here, in Yellowstone. I’ve met some really humble people already. One group was backpacking, hoping to explore the whole world, on foot. I asked them where they stayed or how they ate their next meal. They smiled and explained that along their travels, they’ve met some wholehearted people that offer them a warm place to stay and a hot meal. I could hear the appreciation in their voices. They weren’t expecting any help from others, although they were grateful for it. They all seemed so happy, like they didn’t have any worries or cares in the world. Being with one another was enough for them. It made me smile. I’ve realized that good, humble people, make you thankful for all the positives in your life.
For so long, I was excited for the future and what it had in store for me, and for the first time in so long, I’m more excited about the present. Yellowstone is in the palm of my hands, and I’m going to do what I do best, explore.
*To be continued*
by Sara Hyde
I’ve been thinking about home a lot, and maybe that’s just because everywhere I go, all the people I meet, I always think about Johnny, my little brother, my mom. I wonder what they're up to these days. I can’t believe it’s been six months since I left. It seems like the older I get, the faster time goes by. All the years seem to blend into one.
*That January*
Johnny and I were taking a canyon drive in his baby blue 1965 Ford pickup. Growing up, neither of us had many friends; we had each other, and that was enough. As we got older, I started to notice all the small things about him, things that took my breath away. His smile, how his blue eyes sparkled in the sun. As time went on, I fell for him. I never told him, and I never would. It was a calm day, the still silence made me feel at peace. I was starting to become more aware of everything around me because soon, it would no longer be there.
“Are you nervous?” Johnny asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I pondered the question for a moment.
“I am, but exited at the same time. I’m ready.”
I felt selfish, wanting to leave. But deep down, traveling the world, learning everything there is to know about myself, and everything around me, is something I’ve always wanted to do. Some of my family members understood where my heart was, and some didn’t. I’m not doing this for them; I’m doing this for myself, and that’s enough. I’m 23 and I’m not getting any younger. The only thing that has changed in my life since I graduated, is losing my father. I left for work one morning. I wasn’t sure what my dad had planned for his day, but I figured I would see him when I got home. We had plans to go hiking that weekend, just him and I, like we always had. But this time, when I came home, he wasn’t there. I could feel the air around me, like something was off. My mom called me and told me she was at the hospital, and that my dad had been in a horrible car accident. We all prayed, hoping he would make it through, but he died a couple days later. It was hard, seeing him so uncomfortable, but he made sure to smile at everyone that walked through that door. I remember the night he passed. I told it was okay to let go, that he didn’t need to hold on anymore, that I understood how much pain and suffering he was in. I’m thankful I got those last couple days with him. I’m thankful I got to express just how much I loved him and how much of a hero he was to me. I thought to myself and smiled, knowing in my heart that my dad would understand why I wanted traveling.
“I’m going to miss you Annabel.. I don’t know anybody quite like you. You’re inspiring.” Those words took me by surprise. I couldn’t help but tear up. Johnny was such a great friend, saying goodbye was going to suck.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me, Johnny. I’m going to miss you too. You’re my best friend.” I smiled at him.
We drove around until the sun went down and the moon took her place. We decided to head back to my house. I could tell Johnny was getting ready to say goodbye, but I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, before I left.
“Do you wanna come in? We could watch a movie, eat some food, bullshit?” He smiled and turned his car off.
We made popcorn and talked about random things; my dad, our favorite bands, how inspiring Johnny seems to think I am (which made me blush and smile). We talked about our futures and how we pictured our lives to turn out. Johnny pictured his life on a farm, surrounded by land, horses, and trees for miles. And of course, a tire swing. It fit him perfectly. He asked me what I pictured in my future. I’d never really thought much about it, but when I did think about it, I saw myself traveling the world, writing about my experiences and hopefully publishing my pieces.
“You’re gonna be one of those crazy cat ladies that never gets married, huh?” He teased.
“You might be on to something there.” I teased back.
Talking to Johnny was easy, something I was going to miss. I thought about telling him how I really felt, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good at this point. It would only make it harder to say goodbye.
We talked until 4am, when we realized how late, or should I say, how early it had gotten. He put on his jacket and sighed.
“Soon.. we aren’t going to be able to do this anymore.” He looked sad. It made my gut twist and turn. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself, but I couldn’t think of the right words. He could tell I was struggling.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I know how hard this is for you and I know I’m not making it any easier. I’m sorry. I want you to know that I’m happy for you, Bell.” He smiled at me and I smiled back, holding tears back. He gave me a hug and I told him to
“Drive careful.”
I went and laid down, wondering how everything would turn out. Traveling is what I’ve always wanted, I just thought it would feel different. I thought I would be excited, anxious.. I was anxious, but not in a good way. I wondered if this was how birds felt when they fly south for the winter. Experiencing every aspect of the world, exploring to the fullest, sounds like home to me. I just thought it would feel different.
I woke up, realizing that today was the day; the day my life would change. I wasn’t sure how I felt. It didn’t feel real to me. I could smell something cooking downstairs. I got up, got ready and went downstairs. Mom had crepes waiting on the stove. Donovan and Johnny were playing Uno at the kitchen table. Donovan was so excited for me. He seemed more excited than I was, but that’s just who he is. He’s a bright soul. He ignites something inside of people. He can change people’s views on the world. Sometimes I wish I was more like him. He’s so open, so full of trust. He sees the good in everything. We all ate breakfast together, which was really nice. After breakfast, Johnny helped me load everything into my car.
I kept the goodbyes simple. Mom kissed me on the forehead and Donovan gave me his lucky penny. Johnny gave me a big hug, it felt like he didn’t want to let go. He walked me over to my car and opened the door for me. I climbed in and he shut the door behind me. I rolled my window down.
“I’ll see you around, Bell.” He smiled at me.
“I’ll see you around, best friend.” I smiled back.
*Present*
Leaving, to soul search, has taught me so much already. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world around me. My first stop was California. I craved to feel the sun on my skin. My high school friend, Jasmine had moved to Laguna Beach a couple years back so I asked if I could stay with her, of course she said yes. I decided early on that I wanted to make a photo album for every place I visited, I wanted to may remarkable memories I would always remember. Jasmine was excited to explore with me. I came to love palm trees and sand in between my toes. It was easy filling the album, we had such a great time together. It was a perfect start to my travel experience. I was there for 3 months which seems like a long time, but it wasn’t. Time flew by like it always does and before I knew it, it was time to start traveling again.
Second on my list was Oregon. My old friend, Sadie had an older brother that lived in Medford. I asked her if he would show me around, and she said yes. When I got there, I was surprised to see her there, too! I hadn’t seen her in at a least a year, so it was nice to catch up. We went all over, city to city. She introduced me to Geocaching. It was a blast, leaving little pieces of myself everywhere we went. I loved how green it was there. It felt familiar even though I had never been there before. I got to meet Sadie’s family and attended her older brother’s wedding, which was absolute gorgeous! I had to buy two separate albums for Oregon, there was just so much excitement! I stayed there for 2 months, which was perfect with Sadie’s schedule. It was nice, seeing how much she had grown as a person in the year I didn’t see her. We agreed to stay in contact and to one day, possibly become travel buddies, I really liked that idea.
Third up on my list was Yellowstone National Park. I decided to take the route that took me through Nevada and Idaho, staying a week at both places. I didn’t like Nevada much, there was hardly any green anywhere with no trees, which bothered me. Idaho was pretty with the Falls, but other than that, it seemed like a pretty quiet state. I visited a couple museums which was fun.
I was anxious to get to Yellowstone. My friend had always talked about how it was her little piece of heaven on earth and I wasn’t excited to understand why. I decided to stay in West Yellowstone for two weeks, I wanted to explore the little town, and to meet locals to learn what all there was to do in the general area. I went to Hebgen Lake, which was really neat to learn about. I went to Virginia City which reminded me of home because of how tiny it was. The town was so old fashioned which made me think of my dad. He would’ve fit in so perfectly here. I figured he was with me, in spirit, of course.
I booked a budget cabin in Yellowstone right off the beaten path of the Old Faithful Inn. It’s small, but cozy. I have a bed and that’s about it. Showers and bathrooms are located in the bigger Lodges, which doesn’t bother me. I’ve been a little nervous, not having anybody with me to explore, but I’ve figured this is the perfect time to meet new people.
I like spending my time at the Inn, something about it feels like home to me. I’ll either take a book with me, or my journal. Sometimes I just sit back and people watch. All the different races coming together to experiences the same thing, is so fascinating to me.
One day I was sitting at the Inn, people watching and writing in my journal. I saw a worker that I had seen a couple times before, but this time he wasn’t wearing his uniform. I wondered what he was up to. I kept writing in my journal and looked up long enough to see him standing at my table, asking if he could join me. He had two coffee cups in his hand. Of course I wasn’t going to turn him down. He offered me one of the cups.
“I’ve seen you sitting here a couple times, by yourself, so I thought I would come over and introduce myself.” He smiled.
“My names Benji, what’s yours?”
“I’m Annabell, it’s nice to meet you.” I said as he shook my hand.
“So Annabell, what brings to you to the beautiful world of Yellowstone? Are you here with your family?”
I took a deep breath and wondered for a second, what to tell him.
“No, I’m here by myself. And a lot, I guess. I wanted a change, so traveling was my answer. My old friend Ashby told me about this place. It was her little piece of heaven on earth, so I thought I would check it out for myself.”
“That’s a good reason to travel. I would have to agree with your old friend Ashby. This is my sanctuary. I love it here. Every year when everyone has to pack up and leave for the winter season, I get homesick. It sounds weird, but this place is home, more than my actual home. How do you like it so far? How long have you been here?”
“I love it here, I now understand why she loves it so much! It’s like a whole different world. I spent two weeks in West Yellowstone and I’ve been in the park for four days.”
“Good! I’m glad you’re enjoying here. Do you have a cell phone? I could give you my number and I could be your tour guide while you’re here.” He smiled before taking a drink of his Chai.
“Yeah! That would be wonderful!” I smiled and handed him my phone.
“Here you go. Just text me whenever you’re not busy doing your thing and we’ll go explore. I’ll show you the world of Yellowstone! Tonight, some of my friends and I are going on a hike to see the full moon, if you’d like to go?”
“I would love to, that sounds like a lot of fun!” I said as I sipped my Chai.
“Okay, just text me so I have your number and then I’ll text you when we’re all meeting up. I gotta go, I have a shift that starts in a half hour. It was nice meeting you, Annabell! I’m glad you like Chai.” He smiled and gave me a look before leaving the table.
I’ve learned throughout my travels, that nature does something to the soul, something I can’t put into words. It puts me into a peaceful state where I never worry, or stress. It’s a great feeling. Being here, in Yellowstone. I’ve met some really humble people already. One group was backpacking, hoping to explore the whole world, on foot. I asked them where they stayed or how they ate their next meal. They smiled and explained that along their travels, they’ve met some wholehearted people that offer them a warm place to stay and a hot meal. I could hear the appreciation in their voices. They weren’t expecting any help from others, although they were grateful for it. They all seemed so happy, like they didn’t have any worries or cares in the world. Being with one another was enough for them. It made me smile. I’ve realized that good, humble people, make you thankful for all the positives in your life.
For so long, I was excited for the future and what it had in store for me, and for the first time in so long, I’m more excited about the present. Yellowstone is in the palm of my hands, and I’m going to do what I do best, explore.
*To be continued*